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“My sister – who is more than six years younger than me – just gave birth to her second baby,” Maggipinto says, twisting his wedding ring. “You want to be happy for people.” Their frustration at not being able to have their own children turned to anguish. One of his co-workers – an older, single woman – became a mother using donor sperm, IVF and surrogacy. “The policy is the product of a time when there was a misconception, a stereotype, a prejudice against couples that were made up of two men – that they were not capable of raising children because there was no female figure in that relationship.”īriskin was working alongside colleagues who were happily availing themselves of the benefits he wasn’t entitled to. This isn’t an oversight, it’s discrimination, Briskin says. That meant straight people and lesbians working for the City of New York would have the costs of IVF covered, but gay male couples could never be eligible. Infertility was defined as an inability to have a child through heterosexual sex or intrauterine insemination. But when they read the policy, they discovered they were the only class of people to be excluded from IVF coverage. His employment benefits had included generous health insurance. Briskin used to work for the City of New York as an assistant district attorney, earning about $75,000 a year. Maggipinto earns a corporate lawyer’s salary but is saddled with student debt. The bottom line? “Two hundred thousand dollars, minimum,” he says, tapping his index finger on the table with each word in disbelief.
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It takes 15 minutes for Maggipinto to run me through all the expenses they could incur if they tried to have a child genetically related to one of them.
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Nicholas Maggipinto, left, and Corey Briskin, met in law school, married five years later, and knew they wanted children. Maggipinto says: “That payment doesn’t include reimbursement for things like maternity clothing lost wages if she misses work for doctors’ appointments or is put on bed rest transportation childcare for her own children lodging.” Maggipinto and Briskin were told agency fees alone could stretch to $25,000, and the surrogates themselves should be paid a minimum of $60,000 (the advocacy group Men Having Babies says a typical fee was $38,000 in 2020 in the UK, it is illegal for surrogates to be paid, but their expenses are covered by the intended parents). Then there’s the cost of a surrogate (called a “gestational carrier” when they carry embryos created from another woman’s eggs). And that’s if it all goes well: if no embryos are created during a cycle, or if the embryos that are don’t lead to a successful pregnancy, they would have to start again. The fertility clinic’s bill (including genetic testing, blood tests, STD screening and a psychiatric evaluation for all parties, sperm testing, egg extraction, insemination, the growing, selecting, freezing and implantation of the resulting embryos): up to $70,000. There’s compensation for the egg donor: no less than $8,000 (£6,600). Maggipinto reels off the price list in a way that only someone who has pored over every item could. That’s when they first became aware of the eye-watering cost of biological parenthood for gay men. “We had the appointment and we were 100% on the same page – let’s move forward with this,” says Maggipinto.
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Six months before their wedding, a targeted ad from an organisation called Gay Parents to Be landed in Maggipinto’s Instagram feed, offering free consultations with a fertility doctor who’d give them “the whole rundown” on how they could start a family.
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“Once I had come out to myself and others, I don’t think my expectation of what my life would look like changed all that much.” With marriage equality won years ago, they expected to be able to have a conventional married life. Briskin, 33, grew up assuming he’d have children.